Single on Valentine's Day

Posted Tuesday, February 13, 2018




They Said

I was pouring out my pain
Detailing my confusion
She interrupted me
He interrupted me

You will find your life
She said
All the fog 
You’ve been driving through
Will lift
She said

It’s a gift
He said
The transformation you long for
It’s on THIS journey
Don’t get me wrong,
It still sucks
But it’s worth it
He said

My old way of being
This addiction
Unhealthily adoring the woman in my life
Depending on her for my completeness
Believing I was lost and not ok without her
I didn’t know another way
To do life

This new way of being
Full of fits and starts
Tears and laughter
I’m walking a new path
The fog is lifting
The transformation is happening
Just like they said


I wrote this poem on Valentine’s Day 2017 in the middle of a heartbreak. I had gone on a hike and was sitting in the sun overlooking my new home here in SoCal. It was my first Valentine’s Day of my life without a Valentine. 

I am not unique. 

There are so many of us who when we find ourselves alone, we do whatever it takes to get back into relationship. At various times, after a divorce or a break-up, I’ve asked my friends to help me stay single for a little while—to at least experience myself. I made various commitments to not date for a year and other lies. I knew logically that it was a good idea but like a dog after a squirrel, I would go after the first possible love interest that crossed my path. 

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What My Christmas Past Teaches Me About My Christmas Future

Posted Thursday, December 15, 2016



Christmas Day 1988.

Our whole family had gone to DC to celebrate Christmas. Although I was excited to see DC, I was upset because I was slated to miss the annual church youth group winter trip that started on the 26th.

I woke up on Christmas morning with a surprise gift. My dad had gotten me a plane ticket and a chance to be with my friends for the rest of the week. I was going back alone--ahead of the rest of the family--two flights--DC to Chicago and Chicago to Milwaukee.

I was in awe. All day.

I remember Christmas 1988 like it was yesterday. I saddled up next to that window and attempted to take it all in. Every light in the distance was a Christmas tree and my heart was full. My dad loved me. My dad trusted me. I was going to get to see my friends. The world was an amazing place. I was flying home on Christmas Day all by myself.

It's now December 2016 and I'm flying alone--DC to Chicago. I just said goodbye to much of the same family from that Christmas back in 1988. Today, however, there is no fanfare. No heart welled up with pride. No childlike wonder. But I am noticing myself. My experience has me thinking; what about that 17-year-old version of me do I want to bring back? What is still there? What do I need to drop?  Read More »

Crossing the Continental Divide

Posted Thursday, October 27, 2016

Nearly two weeks ago, I left Chicago behind. I had lived there for 27 years so this was no small move. The sun, the ocean, and the hills of California called me as they’ve been calling me for years. I finally packed up my car and started the journey west. 

On my journey, I spent time with family and friends and slowly worked my way west. Last night, I arrived at my destination—Southern California. The journey was an adventure to remember for a lifetime—the chance to see America in a new way—but one moment from my journey stands out: the Continental Divide at Independence Pass. In the US, the continental divide is a geologic feature—a line down the middle of the rockies—where all water on one side of the line flows into the Atlantic Ocean and on the other side it flows into the Pacific Ocean. 

Metaphorically, in our lives, a continental divide is the moment where, when you cross it, everything goes in a new direction. We’ve all had these moments—the day you sign the lease on your first apartment, when you cross the threshold of your first job and start making your own money, getting on a knee and asking your love to marry you, saying yes to said question, quitting the job that is sucking your soul, getting on that plane to travel internationally for the first time, starting your own company, signing your name for 30 minutes to own your first home, and the list goes on and on. These are the moments where we have understandable fear but we move ahead anyway. We don’t know exactly what is on the other side but we move forward boldly.

As I approached the continental divide this past week, I noticed that some of its features also seem to coincide with this metaphorical divide. 
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