What You Can't Live With Runs Your Life

Posted Wednesday, December 15, 2010

I had a huge revelation the other day.

I have been choking my own life.

This was made totally clear to me as I was in a seminar that asked me one simple question;

What can I not be with?

In other words, what areas of my life am I unwilling to explore or deal with. What am I spending energy avoiding?

It was pretty obvious to me right away that I don’t want to be alone. I want to stay connected to people. As I dug deeper with the help of some coaches, I found that it wasn’t just aloneness that I was avoiding—I was running away from abandonment.   Read More »

Fear and Determination

Posted Saturday, November 20, 2010

So, I’m afraid of open water. This tends to be a problem for a triathlete. I’ve done eight races and all but one of them have been in open water. My first race was in May of 2008 in Galena, IL—with the water temperature in the low 50s. It wasn’t pretty. The swim was only 600 meters long but it didn’t matter. I found myself in the middle of the lake hyperventilating, freaking out, and unable to move. Several life guards asked me if I needed help and I waved them off. It took me about five minutes but I was finally able to stop freaking out and slow my breathing down. My best option was to doggie paddle through the rest of the swim. Some people call this “swimming like Tarzan” but basically picture me swimming the crawl but never putting my head in the water. It works—but this is no way to win a race.   Read More »

The Cost of the Status Quo

Posted Saturday, October 30, 2010

I’ve had a great month. Maybe it’s because I feel special during my birth month. If you have a big family—you will understand—that with eight brothers and sisters there was really only one day a year that I got undivided attention. In any case—October has been amazing and I feel very lucky but I don’t think everyone would feel like I do.

I started the month with a full weekend of training on coaching and realized pretty quickly that this career that I had begun to build for myself was even more desperately needed than I had initially thought. My problem was that I had some consulting work that was doing a great job of helping me pay the bills but it was keeping me from putting the focus on coaching that I knew was necessary to build my business.   Read More »

War=Life: Applying Counterinsurgency to our Lives

Posted Thursday, October 21, 2010

War is a lot like life—just not in how you normally think about it. I got to thinking about this after reading Obama’s Wars by Bob Woodward. Fascinating book. Woodward has some amazing sources within the White House and is able to reconstruct entire conversations on highly sensitive topics. The point of the book is to show how Obama and his team interacted with each other as they twice decided on troop increases to Afghanistan. If you ever wanted to see how the sausage was made—I recommend this book. It’s a fascinating study in politics and people. Every human flaw that we see in our families and in our own companies are increased exponentially in the heart of the government.  Read More »

Coaching Essentials...What is Coaching?

Posted Wednesday, October 13, 2010

shula lombardi

Every party or conversation eventually comes to the basic question: "So Ken, what do you do?" My response: "I'm a coach. A co-active coach." Their responses:


"Like a football coach?"

"So you tell people what they are doing wrong.?"

"Like a therapist?"

"Do people pay for that?"

I'm always surprised by the quantity of people that are confused by what a coach does. Just last weekend, I was at a party and a gentleman questioned me up and down about coaching. He had never heard of such a thing.  Read More »

I'm Not Here to Make Friends

Posted Thursday, September 16, 2010

I’m not here to make friends.

This is a common expression—especially in politics, the workplace, or in competitions. I personally have said it dozens of times—particularly to justify my lack of empathy or to explain my poor behavior.

So—I heard a politician quoted today saying, “I didn’t come to Washington to make friends” and I was surprised by my own response. My first thought was—“Why not?” and my second thought was “Is that true?” Did he really go to Washington with no intention of making friends?  Read More »

Intimacy:We All Need It

Posted Tuesday, August 31, 2010

I’m sad.

One of my best friends is moving away. He’s moving to LA. Two thousand seventeen miles away. This will have a major impact on my life. Although I have been blessed with several great friendships—I know how rare they can be and I don’t take them for granted.

Fred is my next door neighbor. When we moved in four years ago, it didn’t take long to begin a friendship. He’s my age and we share many common interests. Countless meals at each other’s homes and soon enough the question for each weekend was WHAT were we going to be doing with our neighbors instead of wondering IF we would hang out. Backyard BBQs, a canoe trip, Rock Band, Vodka, lots of Playstation3, and a little bit of exercise solidified a growing friendship.   Read More »

My Journey Towards Authenticity

Posted Saturday, June 26, 2010

I heard a great speech this week. We don’t expect much from our speakers these days…at least I wasn’t expecting to be so struck by her hard hitting message. Karen Kimsey-Clark—President of the Coaches Training Institute surprised me with her passion, vulnerability, and the reality of her thesis. Her thesis was basically this: Times are changing in our world today and people are beginning to realize what they really want out of life:

  • People want to be more connected to their own self. (Authenticity)
  • People want to have deep and meaningful relationships with others. (Intimacy)
  • People want their lives to matter. (Responsibility)
  Read More »

How I'm Doing What I Don't Want to Do

Posted Saturday, June 12, 2010

I’ve begun a new adventure. Well, not really new…just a new approach I guess.

It’s about my weight. I’m 6’1” and currently 215 lbs. On the BMI (Body Mass Index) I am definitely overweight and bordering on obese. I carry it pretty well…or at least it’s not so bad that anyone stares.

  Read More »

Wishes for my Dad...Wishes for Me

Posted Saturday, June 05, 2010

Think of your age. Now picture your dad when he was that age. It’s weird to think of our parents at our own age but I think it humanizes them and also helps us reflect on ourselves.

What do you wish your dad would have done differently back then? I wish my dad had learned to be a better friend in general and especially to his kids.   Read More »

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November 4, 2016--Crossing the Continental Divide (Both Literally and Metaphorically)

May 13, 2016-Are You Embracing Your Goo?

April 6, 2016--Micromanagement is Good Management

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