I Want To Be Afraid!

Posted Wednesday, September 28, 2011

You know the feeling. The anxiety. The lump in the throat. The tingly arms and wobbly legs. It happens to all of us—the only difference is how we get there. For some of us, getting in front of a a group of people sets us off—for others it's having a hard conversation with a close friend that disrespected us. 

Last week I embraced that feeling and came out of the other side breaking down and in tears. I also found a new courage.

The truth about me is not much scares me. At least not debilitating fear. Challenge me to do the impossible and I'll sign up just because you think that I can't. I've run a dozen triathlons and finished multiple marathons. I'll speak in front of any size crowd and I won't hesitate to have that difficult conversation in order to bring resolution to conflict. I get a little creeped out by heights but the joy of rock climbing or rappelling far outweighs the butterflies.  
So last week when I came face to face with a chance to do some climbing—I wanted to experience fear. I more than anything wanted to know that feeling of being terrified and coming out the other side. I wanted to be afraid. I made my intentions clear and the instructors offered to blindfold me for my climb. My first thought was, "Perfect!" and my second thought was--"Holy Shit!"  

So I did it. I climbed blindfolded. I worked my way up, navigated obstacles and then I had to jump to get down. I was beyond terrified. I jumped into the abyss.  When I got down and my friends gathered around me—my whole body was shaking. I quickly sat down and wrote this as I cried:

  • I want so much for my life 
  • I want to climb into the unknown 
  • I want to be caught by loved ones 
  • I want danger 
  • I want adventure 
  • I want not knowing 
  • I want this experience 
  • For my whole life 
I am so thankful for the chance to experience the fear in my body so that when that feeling comes again (and it will), I can remember that no matter what happens, I will be OK.  

So here is why I tell you all of this: We ALL have fears. We ALL want our life to be all that it can be. What stops each of us is almost always the same. We get stopped by what we know—by being sure how it's going to turn out. We decide before the life we want can even happen that it's impossible.  

I'm here to tell you, that you CAN have the peace in your life that you are looking for. You CAN have the relationships you really want to have. You CAN live a life you love.  What I want for you is to choose a blindfold this week. Choose to NOT know what the outcome will be. Choose to NOT plan how it will all turn out. Choose instead to enjoy the experience. Show up and soak it up! Nothing more. Nothing less.

Check out our last 6 eNewsletters:

November 4, 2016--Crossing the Continental Divide (Both Literally and Metaphorically)

May 13, 2016-Are You Embracing Your Goo?

April 6, 2016--Micromanagement is Good Management

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