A New Definition of Love in Action

Posted Tuesday, January 01, 2013

So, I'm fed up. We've all been perpetuating a lie. We all participate in it as we watch movies, read books, and listen to music that reinforces this lie. The lie: If you are in love, you are happy. Oh, and you'll be happy forever. Hence the expression—happily ever after.

The truth is that we don't even know what love is and much of what we do in the name of love is not love at all. Isn't it time for a new definition of love? One that works in all areas of our lives?
I was struck this afternoon while driving just how angry so many people are. I know they aren't angry at me—but they sure are angry. With the protection of steel all around them, the way people treat each other is simply ludicrous. How different would it all be if people treated each other with love?

Is it any surprise that there is so little peace in the world when anger, discontent, fear, deception and control better define our primary relationships.

Love begins at home. We learn it and then we put into practice what we learn. Love begins with our own hearts. Love begins with how we treat ourselves and those closest to us.

So, I've got this thought. What would be different today if LOVE ruled the day. What would be different in the workplace? What would be different in our homes? What would be different in our relationships?

I'll start with my definition of love.

Love tells the truth. Love does what is best for the object of its love. Love is unattached to outcomes. Love is the opposite of control. Love does not judge.

Here are five ways to be more loving today that will make your world and THE world a better place.

  • Tell the truth
  • See others as capable
  • Examine your own motives
  • Let them go
  • Stop taking things personally
  • Stop being nice to just be nice

Here are some of the outcomes that would happen if we all embraced true love in all our actions and being.

  • Deception would disappear.
  • Kindness would be standard.
  • We would be able to share our truth and hear other's.
  • We would be held by the care of others as we strike out and attempt difficult tasks.
  • The entire human experience would be open to discussion.
  • Productivity levels would skyrocket. 
  • World peace (in our hearts and in our nations) would ACTUALLY happen

So let's all take one step in that direction today!

When Not Helping Helps

Posted Wednesday, March 06, 2013

She loves to drive. Drive with her loved ones.

Long talks. Long untold confessions. Dealing with the stuff that can't be ignored as you sit next to each other for hours on end.

Road trip relationship therapy. For Jodi it has worked for over 30 years with her family.

This week included one of those beautiful trips with her college-aged son.

Jodi  had some captive time this week. He's such a man. Billy went away to college on the other side of the country in the middle of nowhere and he figured out how to live on his own. You see, a few years ago when her son was preparing to go off to school, Jodi lost her job—dad's job wasn't as secure. They wanted to help in the same way that they had helped his older siblings but it just wasn't possible. They didn't have the money to pay his way, to get him a car, and to make sure he was going to be OK. He could go and do whatever he wanted—but the best they could do was $100 month.

She was worried, how would he survive?

In the quite darkness of that early morning ride—Billy shone. He told his mom how he figured that he could spend $2 on every meal that first year. He got his own apartment. Built relationships. He's not just surviving—he's thriving. He had done it on his own—become his own man.

Truth is, he's the most equipped of the three—and he's the youngest. Truth is, he's 21 and he might as well be 30. He's living his life.

As Jodi left that conversation she experienced a mixture of tears of joy and tears of sadness.

Joy for Billy and his independence
Sadness that she didn't give his siblings so much space
Joy that she is able to notice herself
Sadness that it took so long
Joy in knowing she can grow
Sadness for those who choose not to
Joy for the life out in front of her
Ready and excited to embrace

As parents, as employers, as friends, as colleagues—we often think that we must help those around us in need. We especially must help those we are "responsible" for. Truth is that we are often better off to see our kids, employees, friends, and colleagues as completely capable of finding an answer on their own—without our help. You'll be surprised at the creative ways that people find to demonstrate that they are capable on their own.

Check out our last 6 eNewsletters:

November 4, 2016--Crossing the Continental Divide (Both Literally and Metaphorically)

May 13, 2016-Are You Embracing Your Goo?

April 6, 2016--Micromanagement is Good Management

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