Fierce Love Starts With Truth Telling

Posted Sunday, May 10, 2015

I am a liar. I lie to myself. I lie to others. So do you. You are a liar. You lie to yourself. You lie to those you love the most. You lie to strangers. You lie. Welcome to the human race. We are programmed first and foremost to survive. Survive physically and survive emotionally. So we lie. You lie to your spouse about what you were actually thinking about. You lie to yourself about what you accomplished today. I lie to my friends to avoid a tough conversation. It works. It's effective. It helps us SURVIVE. Emotionally for sure. For some of us the survival is life and death--at least it feels like it.

Lying. It even helps us succeed. Like Lance. Look around you. What do you really believe about what you have to do in order to be truly successful? Is truth telling in your top 10? I doubt it and our culture definitely doesn't point you in that direction.  I can think of dozens of "successful" people that our culture is obsessed with who are a far cry from truth tellers. I'm racking my brain to think of more than three authentic and loving people that as a culture we are drawn to. Dalai Lama, possibly Pope Francis, and for the third...Bono, Oprah, Eckhardt Tolle, Brene Brown? Please tell me I'm wrong and send me a list of authentically loving people that our culture honors.

I want a different world. Don't you? I want real love to permeate the boardrooms and the family rooms of the world. I want the stuff that we all know matters to matter all of the time. I desperately want love to be the topic of everyday people--not just pop stars going on and on about something that really isn't love to begin with. When I was a teenager, I discovered "deep conversations." You know the type. The conversations where you are up late with your friends, partners, or family and time seems to fly because you are talking about real life--the stuff of the heart. I wondered then--and I wonder now--why don't we talk about this stuff out loud, in public? We all know it matters--in fact it's really about the only thing that matters--real love. So I'm on a mission to talk about it, try to live it, and do my best to teach it. 

It starts with truth telling.

Mostly telling the truth to ourselves about our intentions. Mostly telling the truth during those times when we are scared of the emotional consequences. That life or death feeling is a real feeling, but trust me, take the risk and prove to yourself that the alternative to lying will produce more love, less fear, and more of your real life.

Think about this for a second. If you lie to yourself, are you actually living your own life? If you lie to others about who you are, are you receiving love for who you actually are?

You interact with people all day. Every day. Love them by being the realest version of yourself that you can be. Love yourself. Practice loving the other humans around you and see what changes. On some days, not much. On other days, your world gets turned upside down.

5 Practical Steps You Can Take Today to Practice Fierce Love

    • Set an hourly alarm and when it goes off, check your intentions. Is what you are doing in that moment being driven by love or fear? No judgement. Just notice.
    • Choose one person in your life that deserves more of the real you. Tell him/her more about what you think about yourself. Really.
    • Choose one person in your life that you are tolerating. You don't want to be near them and you live a lie every time you interact with them. Break up with them. Really.
    • Tell the truth to yourself today. Make a list of what you are good at. What the world needs more of from you. What you bring to life that no one else brings. 
    • Next time you feel anxious and keeping your mouth shut or telling a white lie seems like the ONLY way to move forward. Trust authenticity. Just once. On faith. If only because I said so. See what happens. 

Photo credit: Patrick Emerson 

Check out our last 6 eNewsletters:

November 4, 2016--Crossing the Continental Divide (Both Literally and Metaphorically)

May 13, 2016-Are You Embracing Your Goo?

April 6, 2016--Micromanagement is Good Management

Recent Posts