I am a Fraud

Posted Tuesday, November 24, 2015

There was a time, once upon a time when I tried to go an hour without telling a lie. An hour. I couldn’t do it.

I would fail consistently. I wanted people to see me differently or better than I was so I would tell one white lie after another. I justified it with the pressures of work, church, or relationships. Trained in corporate to basically “never let them see you sweat” and certainly to look the part at all times. So, I was a fraud and I was like many men, I was terrified of being found out.

Around the same time, I had committed to register my newly forming coaching business with the county by my October birthday. Problem was, I didn’t have a name. OK. I had heard that starting a business name with the letter “A” was a good strategy because you would generally be listed first in the phone book or yellow pages. I bit. I made a list of all “A” words that could possibly be a business name. The list is very long.

When I saw the word authentic, I was immediately sold. It by no means reflected who I was—but it totally reflected what I wanted more of in the world. It’s no secret that what we rail against in the world (hypocrisy, lack of authenticity) is at the heart of what is going on with ourselves.

At the time, I had no idea how inviting more authenticity into my life would rock my world—over and over again. Truth is, Authentic Development has become just as much a statement about me as it is about my work. It was like the universe saw my business name as a challenge. I imagine a group of spiritual beings looking at me with incredulity, throwing up their hands and saying…”well if that’s what he wants (authenticity), let’s give it to him.”

So the chances to grow my authenticity came like wildfire.

I starting developing my own authenticity. Inauthentic people in my life started leaving in droves in painful ways. Authenticity became a practice. Something I could attempt to do in spurts. Every once in a while I would let more of the real me out and cringe—expecting the world to judge me. Some did. Many more didn’t. I wrote blogs about my real life expecting to be ridiculed. Not so much. I starting publishing poems with my newsletters because at my core I’m a poet. I expected my client list to dry up. It didn’t. It multiplied.

Still today, I’m a fraud; a hypocrite. But hopefully I’m less of a fraud than yesterday. I’m also less terrified of being found out—not because there is nothing to be found out, but because practice has taught me that love is on the other side of people seeing the real me.

Will you join me in moving towards authenticity? What part of you are you afraid to let others see? Will you unveil it this week?

Check out our last 6 eNewsletters:

November 4, 2016--Crossing the Continental Divide (Both Literally and Metaphorically)

May 13, 2016-Are You Embracing Your Goo?

April 6, 2016--Micromanagement is Good Management

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