Authentic is the Opposite of Codependent

Posted Tuesday, December 04, 2012



Did you grow up in a dysfunctional family? Me too.

One thing that I think is true for all of us—we never completely drop the roles that we developed in order to effectively give and get love, how to feel safe, how to make people love us. We learn what is OK to say, what our parents want from us, and how to feel good.

I for one played the role of the "hero" or "rescuer" for much of my life. When I saw someone in need—well it was my job to make sure that I met their need.

Eventually, this doesn't work. The role I created to make sure I got my needs met in the end wasn't going to be able to help others. As soon as I stopped getting what I needed, I had to either pick another codependent role or another person from whom to get my needs met. I did both of those things with lots of consequences.

How do we stop living in our codependence? How do we choose to create something different for our life?  Read More »

Life's a Marathon AND...it's GREAT!!!

Posted Friday, November 04, 2011


So, I ran my 5th marathon on Sunday.

It was by far my best one yet but not because it was my fastest.

A marathon is a really long way. Really. 26.2 miles. 42 kilometers. 312 minutes of running at a 12 minute pace. Approximately 55,335 steps! 

I didn't plan to run this past Sunday—at least not like I usually plan for a marathon. Usually, I train 4-6 days a week for the 6 months leading up to the marathon. I usually increase the mileage each week and follow a very detailed training program.

This marathon was different, I went to DC to visit my awesome cousin over labor day and she happened to have a 20-mile training run to do that weekend. "What the heck—I'll run it with you." was my response. She needed the encouragement and I wanted to spend the time in 1:1 conversation with her. When the training run was over, I loved it so much that I decided that I would really like to run the full marathon with her 7 weeks later.

On race day, my attitude was simple. Enjoy it. Enjoy the conversation with my cousin. Stay with her—every step of the way. So we did. We ran at a 12:00 minutes per mile pace and just worked our way through one mile after another. We walked through the water stops and took in gatorade and water. We had friends bringing us sandwiches along the way even. We sang together and danced together along the way and refused to let any nagging points of pain define the marathon. We were running a long way after all and it would be foolish to be pain free.  Read More »

Why Authenticity?

Posted Wednesday, July 13, 2011



I asked my readers on facebook the other day— why be authentic?

Here are a couple of responses: 

  • Authenticity is our only connection to reality.  It's not always pleasant, but it forces us to enter into places that really need to be restored. It's also profoundly engaging (or disruptive) to people bombarded with superficiality, showmanship and deceit on a daily basis. And once exposed, it forces you to decide...will I be authentic or will I continue to hide? 
  • Because I am constantly seeking truth. Whether or not if the truth is pleasant I'd rather deal with the truth and make an informed conscious decision based on truth. With that being said, I'd rather be authentic to set expectations and examples to the people in my life. How does the saying go? "Do unto others...." As complex as human emotions can be, I believe being authentic increases sincerity, clarifies intention, and minimizes confusion.   
I think authenticity is hard. It's dangerous. It leads to pain. It's like driving up the Pacific Coast Highway. There are twists, turns, and all sorts of places that require caution…ahhh, but the beauty is worth it. 
  Read More »



Check out our last 6 eNewsletters:

November 4, 2016--Crossing the Continental Divide (Both Literally and Metaphorically)


May 13, 2016-Are You Embracing Your Goo?

April 6, 2016--Micromanagement is Good Management


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