Authentic is the Opposite of Codependent

Posted Tuesday, December 04, 2012



Did you grow up in a dysfunctional family? Me too.

One thing that I think is true for all of us—we never completely drop the roles that we developed in order to effectively give and get love, how to feel safe, how to make people love us. We learn what is OK to say, what our parents want from us, and how to feel good.

I for one played the role of the "hero" or "rescuer" for much of my life. When I saw someone in need—well it was my job to make sure that I met their need.

Eventually, this doesn't work. The role I created to make sure I got my needs met in the end wasn't going to be able to help others. As soon as I stopped getting what I needed, I had to either pick another codependent role or another person from whom to get my needs met. I did both of those things with lots of consequences.

How do we stop living in our codependence? How do we choose to create something different for our life?  Read More »

I Want To Be Afraid!

Posted Wednesday, September 28, 2011

What Are You Fighting For?

Posted Thursday, July 21, 2011



I saw the new Harry Potter movie tonight with my teenage daughter. A must see. Really.

I know this happens in real life too—but there is just something about movies where you get to see people living out of their true selves—really experiencing their fear but deciding to face it and do what they must do for those that they love.

It makes me think of Braveheart—another story of good and evil with betrayal, death of a hero, and freedom winning in the end.

I was asked who I admired the other day. Living or dead. Real or fictional. The first name that hit me was William Wallace. I tried to push it out to come up with a "better" name but my sub conscience wouldn't have it—William Wallace was the choice. Then came the follow-up questions: what is it that you admire? What are the specific traits. What inspires you about this person? What resonates with you?

Try this yourself with someone you admire, my answers are below:   Read More »

Coming Out...Of Our Self-Limiting Closets

Posted Tuesday, January 25, 2011



What I learned in a coffee shop last Monday.

I spent three hours in a coffee shop on Monday afternoon—Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Day. I can tell you what you already know: there is a massive amount of pain going on in the hearts of the average person you meet.

As my business meeting ended, I couldn’t help but overhear a couple of men behind me talking about a divorce in progress. You may know what I mean. Wife has left him, she’s using the kid to make him crazy, he’s pouring out his anguish to his friend and then his lawyer (that he can’t afford to hire yet) calls. He’s asking legal advice about how he can have the police pick up his kid from his in-laws.   Read More »

What You Can't Live With Runs Your Life

Posted Wednesday, December 15, 2010



I had a huge revelation the other day.

I have been choking my own life.

This was made totally clear to me as I was in a seminar that asked me one simple question;

What can I not be with?

In other words, what areas of my life am I unwilling to explore or deal with. What am I spending energy avoiding?

It was pretty obvious to me right away that I don’t want to be alone. I want to stay connected to people. As I dug deeper with the help of some coaches, I found that it wasn’t just aloneness that I was avoiding—I was running away from abandonment.   Read More »



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November 4, 2016--Crossing the Continental Divide (Both Literally and Metaphorically)


May 13, 2016-Are You Embracing Your Goo?

April 6, 2016--Micromanagement is Good Management


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