A New Definition of Love In Action

Posted Thursday, March 07, 2013

So, I'm fed up. We've all been perpetuating a lie. We all participate in it as we watch movies, read books, and listen to music that reinforces this lie. The lie: If you are in love, you are happy. Oh, and you'll be happy forever. Hence the expression—happily ever after.

The truth is that we don't even know what love is and much of what we do in the name of love is not love at all. Isn't it time for a new definition of love? One that works in all areas of our lives?
I was struck this afternoon while driving just how angry so many people are. I know they aren't angry at me—but they sure are angry. With the protection of steel all around them, the way people treat each other is simply ludicrous. How different would it all be if people treated each other with love?

Is it any surprise that there is so little peace in the world when anger, discontent, fear, deception and control better define our primary relationships.

Love begins at home. We learn it and then we put into practice what we learn. Love begins with our own hearts. Love begins with how we treat ourselves and those closest to us.

So, I've got this thought. What would be different today if LOVE ruled the day. What would be different in the workplace? What would be different in our homes? What would be different in our relationships?
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Authentic is the Opposite of Codependent

Posted Tuesday, December 04, 2012



Did you grow up in a dysfunctional family? Me too.

One thing that I think is true for all of us—we never completely drop the roles that we developed in order to effectively give and get love, how to feel safe, how to make people love us. We learn what is OK to say, what our parents want from us, and how to feel good.

I for one played the role of the "hero" or "rescuer" for much of my life. When I saw someone in need—well it was my job to make sure that I met their need.

Eventually, this doesn't work. The role I created to make sure I got my needs met in the end wasn't going to be able to help others. As soon as I stopped getting what I needed, I had to either pick another codependent role or another person from whom to get my needs met. I did both of those things with lots of consequences.

How do we stop living in our codependence? How do we choose to create something different for our life?  Read More »

My Life Is Unfolding Perfectly

Posted Thursday, August 30, 2012

So, I've seen my share of tough times. So have my friends. My clients.

I've made my share of unwise choices. Choices that brought consequences that no one would wish for—ever. So have my friends. My clients.

I've experienced my share of betrayal, infliction of pain, and just plain irresponsibility at the hands of those that had power to do so with me. Parents. Family. Lovers. Friends. Bosses. Co-workers. So have my friends. My clients.

With that said, I don't sit in a place of naivety or even a place of denial when I ask myself or I ask my clients to sit with this one idea, a mantra of sorts:  Read More »

10 Ways to Save Your Life

Posted Thursday, May 31, 2012


I was recently on a plane and the flight attendant spoke up about the safety information she was about to share. She said, "It is better to know this information and not need it than to need it and not know it. This information could save your life." Good point!

Here is a list of "truths" that may save your life—specifically save you from living a life that EVEN YOU believe is not worth living.

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Who Makes You Happy?

Posted Friday, May 11, 2012


About a year ago—my second marriage came to an end. Somewhat suddenly with circumstances that make most people gasp. However, this is not a story about the ending. This is a story about the beginning.

You see—my former wife and I became engaged to be married in DC during the summer of 2006. It was a fairy tale engagement. I showed up at her work on a early Friday afternoon and swept her away in a limo to the airport. We made our way to the bed and breakfast in DC where I pulled out all the stops to make her feel like a princess: rose petals, wine, a concert, clothing, a picnic in our favorite park with huge waterfalls, and of course a poem expressing my desire to be with her. Forever.

Last week I was in DC. I've told you that I love it there.

My cousin took me for a hike and I had no idea where I was going. It soon became clear after we arrived that we were at the park where I had asked my former wife to marry me. My first thought: "Ughh—I don't need this—maybe we should go somewhere else." My second thought: "I wonder what the universe wants to teach me today. In this place. With so much emotion. This should be fascinating."

I chose to stay. Boy am I glad that I did.   Read More »

Then He Said, "I Don't Know How To Be Alone."

Posted Thursday, April 26, 2012



You could hear a pin drop. The once lively discussion that the group of us were having moved to reality and we all sat with his words.

There was no judgement. We ALL knew exactly what he was talking about.

You see, there is real life going on all around us and somewhere along the way we were taught that avoiding truth and avoiding our feelings will keep us safe. Really? Do you feel safe? Do you feel at ease?

This is a big deal. There are people in intense pain at every turn. We self-medicate with TV, with food, with alcohol, and prescription drugs. We also do it in more outwardly "healthy" ways like exercise and work.

I feel deeply for my friend. He doesn't want to be alone. He's willing to endure misery in order to ensure that he doesn't have to be alone. At least he has the courage to admit it. To admit that it's his choice—he knows that it's a fool's bargain—but it's his bargain and the only one he knows how to make right now. We've all been there. I would venture to guess that we are all there right now—one way or another.

So what do we do now?   Read More »

I Want To Be Afraid!

Posted Wednesday, September 28, 2011



Check out our last 6 eNewsletters:

November 4, 2016--Crossing the Continental Divide (Both Literally and Metaphorically)


May 13, 2016-Are You Embracing Your Goo?

April 6, 2016--Micromanagement is Good Management


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