What Is Your Inauthenticity Costing You?

Posted Friday, January 27, 2012



I'm into authenticity. Obviously. 
 
Authenticity is one of those things though. It's like the idea of having a home cooked dinner with the family and eating around the dinner table. Everyone agrees that this is how we should eat and how families should be. The problem with it is that it seems so damn impractical 80% of the time. So as a culture we eat more in cars than we do around a dinner table. YIKES! 
 
The same is true with authenticity. We all agree that the truth is better than lies. We all agree that we we should be ourselves and not what other people want us to be. Here we are again though—80% of the time it just seems so impractical. What if I don't get promoted? What if I don't get hired? What if I hurt someone's feelings? What if my friends who seem to like me leave when they find out the truth? 
 
So we lie. 
Or we stretch the truth. 
Or we hide parts of ourselves.  
We certainly don't live our truth fully, out loud, every day.      Read More »

Life's a Marathon AND...it's GREAT!!!

Posted Friday, November 04, 2011


So, I ran my 5th marathon on Sunday.

It was by far my best one yet but not because it was my fastest.

A marathon is a really long way. Really. 26.2 miles. 42 kilometers. 312 minutes of running at a 12 minute pace. Approximately 55,335 steps! 

I didn't plan to run this past Sunday—at least not like I usually plan for a marathon. Usually, I train 4-6 days a week for the 6 months leading up to the marathon. I usually increase the mileage each week and follow a very detailed training program.

This marathon was different, I went to DC to visit my awesome cousin over labor day and she happened to have a 20-mile training run to do that weekend. "What the heck—I'll run it with you." was my response. She needed the encouragement and I wanted to spend the time in 1:1 conversation with her. When the training run was over, I loved it so much that I decided that I would really like to run the full marathon with her 7 weeks later.

On race day, my attitude was simple. Enjoy it. Enjoy the conversation with my cousin. Stay with her—every step of the way. So we did. We ran at a 12:00 minutes per mile pace and just worked our way through one mile after another. We walked through the water stops and took in gatorade and water. We had friends bringing us sandwiches along the way even. We sang together and danced together along the way and refused to let any nagging points of pain define the marathon. We were running a long way after all and it would be foolish to be pain free.  Read More »

Experience Right Now

Posted Tuesday, October 18, 2011




How are things? I mean really how are things? Today, in this moment?

If you are like most of us, you are waiting for something out in the future for things to be OK.  Are you waiting for your relationship with your spouse or partner to get better? Waiting for your kids to get out of the phase that they are in? Waiting for your slightly injured knee to improve?  

This is real stuff. Marriages are sometimes tough. Raising kids is tough. Our bodies seem to betray us when we need the stress relief of exercise the most. So what do we do? We push through it. We hear that voice inside our heads that tells us to "stop whining and get moving. Deal with it!" 

I'm here to offer a different perspective. There is so much to discover in those places of toughness—I wonder if we don't miss out on the living available to us by pushing through it. By coping. What if we stopped in those moments and asked the questions beneath the surface? What if we asked ourselves some whopper questions in the areas where we are waiting for things to get better and stayed with the questions long enough to experience ourselves and our lives?   Read More »

Turning 40 Authentically

Posted Tuesday, October 04, 2011



It's 9 days ago. I'm lying face down on a tattoo parlor table. The pain is beyond what I imagined. It's not stopping. I tell myself it will be over soon. Soon is taking quite a while. Each branch of the tree has to be traced and filled in. The leaves need to be added--each leaf another needle. Eventually, I embrace the pain. I stop cringing. I lean into it. It becomes the metaphor for why I'm here--1000 miles from home, alone, getting a tattoo of a tree on my back.

I'm here because my friends loved me and believed in me and sent me to a world class leadership program. I'm alone because I must be, and I'm getting a tree on my back because the tree is the symbol of my true life.

Beauty and pain are inextricably linked. Authenticity--what my new tattoo represents--is not possible without pain.

So, many years ago I set clear intentions for my life:  I want my insides to match my outsides. I want to be real. I want to live authentically. I knew at the time that this was not an easy task. I knew it would cost me things to live out those intentions. Mostly I knew that I would have to drastically change for those intentions to turn into reality.

Today--I turn 40.

  Read More »

The Problem with Religion

Posted Thursday, August 11, 2011



I have a problem. I like to be right. I've always been this way—at least as long as I can remember. 

In grade school, sometimes the only thing I had to hold onto was the fact that I was right about the answer. One not so emotionally intelligent teacher gave me some advice on how to deal with bullies that called me names; she told me to tell them to "prove it." For all the bullies and for the bullied out there—you know what happened when I said "prove it." The bullies just started chanting prove it, prove it, prove it. 

I learned though—that I could know the most and have at least some confidence as I went through my life. I definitely enjoyed proving people wrong—which didn't win me very many friends as a young student.

So midway through high school, I decided to completely choose my religion. I was cocky, bold, and used to getting picked on. Not such a great combination. I soon took the messages of love that were given to me by my church and turned them into messages of exclusion. I was genuinely worried about the souls of my friends, my girlfriend, and co-workers. I quickly learned as much as I could about how to evangelize everyone who was far from God (at least from my point of view.) I wore t-shirts that proclaimed my devotion to Jesus and every conversation I had with someone that didn't believe like I did was an opportunity to tell them about the "good news."
  Read More »

Do You Smell Something?

Posted Thursday, May 19, 2011


So, what’s the stench in your life? The one you don’t notice? What’s the fragrance in your life—the one that only other people smell?

Think of it this way. Have you ever come back from vacation and noticed the odor of your house? I’m not talking about forgetting to take out the garbage—I’m talking about that special smell that other people know as the fragrance of your home but you rarely smell because it is yours.

You also have a way of looking at life that is uniquely yours—or unique to your community. That smell or odor or fragrance—whatever you label it—that’s a piece of you. That’s your perspective on life.

Once upon a time—not long ago—my odor contained quite a bit of judgment of others, better than-ness, and self-righteousness. I wouldn’t be surprised if the odor still lingers although I am working hard to exchange it for inclusivity, friendship, and authenticity.

  Read More »



Check out our last 6 eNewsletters:

November 4, 2016--Crossing the Continental Divide (Both Literally and Metaphorically)


May 13, 2016-Are You Embracing Your Goo?

April 6, 2016--Micromanagement is Good Management


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