Authentic is the Opposite of Codependent

Posted Tuesday, December 04, 2012



Did you grow up in a dysfunctional family? Me too.

One thing that I think is true for all of us—we never completely drop the roles that we developed in order to effectively give and get love, how to feel safe, how to make people love us. We learn what is OK to say, what our parents want from us, and how to feel good.

I for one played the role of the "hero" or "rescuer" for much of my life. When I saw someone in need—well it was my job to make sure that I met their need.

Eventually, this doesn't work. The role I created to make sure I got my needs met in the end wasn't going to be able to help others. As soon as I stopped getting what I needed, I had to either pick another codependent role or another person from whom to get my needs met. I did both of those things with lots of consequences.

How do we stop living in our codependence? How do we choose to create something different for our life?  Read More »

We're Creating Our Own Hell

Posted Friday, April 15, 2011



There’s a disease out there that affects millions. It is literally killing people every day. Nearly every family has at least one individual suffering from this disease. The kicker is that each of us that suffer from this disease chose it for ourselves.

I just had lunch with a longtime sufferer of this disease. Here’s a quick description. Ashley is a young professional woman. Single with a good job and striking good looks. She’s hired a trainer to keep her slim and paid a hefty sum for a 20 session package. Here’s the problem: the trainer barely shows up at 6AM. This has been going on for months and he continues to lie about why he doesn’t show up. So what does Ashley do? She gives him another chance, and another, and another. She finally does stand up for herself after he misses three weeks in a row and ask for a refund for the 10 sessions left. Why did it take so long? It’s because she’s so nice. She wants to make sure everyone is OK. That’s the disease: BEING THE HERO! Even in our conversation today, she was taking responsibility for the situation because maybe the time doesn’t work for him and the price she was paying was very inexpensive compared to what she’s heard other people pay. Really?   Read More »



Check out our last 6 eNewsletters:

November 4, 2016--Crossing the Continental Divide (Both Literally and Metaphorically)


May 13, 2016-Are You Embracing Your Goo?

April 6, 2016--Micromanagement is Good Management


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