A New Definition of Love In Action

Posted Thursday, March 07, 2013

So, I'm fed up. We've all been perpetuating a lie. We all participate in it as we watch movies, read books, and listen to music that reinforces this lie. The lie: If you are in love, you are happy. Oh, and you'll be happy forever. Hence the expression—happily ever after.

The truth is that we don't even know what love is and much of what we do in the name of love is not love at all. Isn't it time for a new definition of love? One that works in all areas of our lives?
I was struck this afternoon while driving just how angry so many people are. I know they aren't angry at me—but they sure are angry. With the protection of steel all around them, the way people treat each other is simply ludicrous. How different would it all be if people treated each other with love?

Is it any surprise that there is so little peace in the world when anger, discontent, fear, deception and control better define our primary relationships.

Love begins at home. We learn it and then we put into practice what we learn. Love begins with our own hearts. Love begins with how we treat ourselves and those closest to us.

So, I've got this thought. What would be different today if LOVE ruled the day. What would be different in the workplace? What would be different in our homes? What would be different in our relationships?
  Read More »

Your Righteous Indignation is Eating Away Your Life

Posted Tuesday, January 29, 2013



I can barely stand it anymore. All the hatred directed at all sides. Conservatives and Liberals. Gays and Christians. Gun owners and gun control advocates. Everyone believes that they are right and the other side is evil. We have lost sight of each other's humanity and the truth is that our anger is making ZERO impact on the other side. Truth is our anger is actually hurting ourselves.

An example:

It went viral. This video by a newswoman in Lacrosse, Wisconsin. She was hurt. Her husband came to her defense on Facebook. Someone sent her a note about her weight.

Female Wisconsin News Anchor Speaks Out (0:59)

The response has been incredible. Hundreds of fans have rushed to her support. She labeled him a bully on air. The name calling hasn't stopped there with basically every name from A to Z being sent his way.

I'm definitely in the minority here when I say that this video isn't about bullying or obesity or anything really that most people are making it about.   Read More »

Authentic is the Opposite of Codependent

Posted Tuesday, December 04, 2012



Did you grow up in a dysfunctional family? Me too.

One thing that I think is true for all of us—we never completely drop the roles that we developed in order to effectively give and get love, how to feel safe, how to make people love us. We learn what is OK to say, what our parents want from us, and how to feel good.

I for one played the role of the "hero" or "rescuer" for much of my life. When I saw someone in need—well it was my job to make sure that I met their need.

Eventually, this doesn't work. The role I created to make sure I got my needs met in the end wasn't going to be able to help others. As soon as I stopped getting what I needed, I had to either pick another codependent role or another person from whom to get my needs met. I did both of those things with lots of consequences.

How do we stop living in our codependence? How do we choose to create something different for our life?  Read More »

3 Wildly Simple Things That Will Make You Happier Tomorrow

Posted Friday, September 14, 2012

You are busy. You are doing your best. You have a good life—for the most part. You are not in desperate straights in any single area of your life.

You know that there are no easy answers for the nagging annoyances that make up your life and the average person's life.

  • Your boss doesn't understand you. 
  • You know you should eat better. 
  • You wish you looked better in the mirror. 
  • The house needs to be cleaned. 
  • You love your family but it sure would be nice if it wasn't so difficult to do life with them sometimes. 

The good outweighs the bad almost every day—and the big things that you want to be different are simply not worth the monumental effort required to change them. How do you change the things you can't control anyway?

Truth: most people don't hire a life coach unless they feel the urgency of some change that they want to make in their life. Hiring someone to walk next to you and help you ask the questions of yourself that you have been avoiding—that's stirring the pot much more than most people want. Frankly, the cost is not worth the benefit.

So—what can I offer you? The typical, mostly happy, not urgently seeking life change reader?  Read More »

My Life Is Unfolding Perfectly

Posted Thursday, August 30, 2012

So, I've seen my share of tough times. So have my friends. My clients.

I've made my share of unwise choices. Choices that brought consequences that no one would wish for—ever. So have my friends. My clients.

I've experienced my share of betrayal, infliction of pain, and just plain irresponsibility at the hands of those that had power to do so with me. Parents. Family. Lovers. Friends. Bosses. Co-workers. So have my friends. My clients.

With that said, I don't sit in a place of naivety or even a place of denial when I ask myself or I ask my clients to sit with this one idea, a mantra of sorts:  Read More »

Unhinged or Unclipped?

Posted Saturday, July 28, 2012


Do you ever feel unhinged? It's an interesting expression isn't it? It's about being unbalanced, especially mentally.

I felt that way recently. I have been on the go—literally seeing the world—and I came back home and slowed down for the first time in over a month. In those moments—I tried to catch my breath. I wondered what was wrong. I have so much to be thankful for and I am living my dream—but I still felt off and I couldn't shake the sense of "unhinged" that permeated my thoughts.

The old me would have frantically found something or someone to hold onto. I would have attached myself to what I believed was solid. I probably would have made some unwise decisions.

The new me did a few things.  Read More »

10 Ways to Save Your Life

Posted Thursday, May 31, 2012


I was recently on a plane and the flight attendant spoke up about the safety information she was about to share. She said, "It is better to know this information and not need it than to need it and not know it. This information could save your life." Good point!

Here is a list of "truths" that may save your life—specifically save you from living a life that EVEN YOU believe is not worth living.

  Read More »

Who Makes You Happy?

Posted Friday, May 11, 2012


About a year ago—my second marriage came to an end. Somewhat suddenly with circumstances that make most people gasp. However, this is not a story about the ending. This is a story about the beginning.

You see—my former wife and I became engaged to be married in DC during the summer of 2006. It was a fairy tale engagement. I showed up at her work on a early Friday afternoon and swept her away in a limo to the airport. We made our way to the bed and breakfast in DC where I pulled out all the stops to make her feel like a princess: rose petals, wine, a concert, clothing, a picnic in our favorite park with huge waterfalls, and of course a poem expressing my desire to be with her. Forever.

Last week I was in DC. I've told you that I love it there.

My cousin took me for a hike and I had no idea where I was going. It soon became clear after we arrived that we were at the park where I had asked my former wife to marry me. My first thought: "Ughh—I don't need this—maybe we should go somewhere else." My second thought: "I wonder what the universe wants to teach me today. In this place. With so much emotion. This should be fascinating."

I chose to stay. Boy am I glad that I did.   Read More »

What Row Are You In?

Posted Monday, January 16, 2012


So…I'm a recovering achiever. You know the type. The kid that sits in the front row in every class in high school and college. The adult that goes shopping for the perfect shirts and ties for work so the boss is impressed. The never miss a deadline type—even if it means staying up until 3am and getting up at 4am to get back to work. Some of you might have called me a kiss up. Whatever—I got A's and I got promoted. 

I still think sitting in the front row is a good idea. I've got a kid in high school and a kid in college and I would definitely encourage them to sit as close to the front as possible. Why? Because when you sit in the front row you A) have to pay attention and B) you get a much better idea of what is most important to the teacher; we all know that only part of doing well in school is knowing the material—to get A's, you have to know what matters to the teacher.

Somewhere along the way though—I decided that sitting in the front row wasn't giving me everything I wanted in life. It certainly gave me nice paychecks. I got to drive a nice car, live in a nice neighborhood, have nice friends, go to a nice health club. All so very NICE. 

The new question. The one that kept me up at night was this: What was it all costing?   Read More »

RIDING THE UNICORN

Posted Wednesday, January 04, 2012

Imagine you in your home, winding down from a long day and the door bell rings. You open the door and there is a solitary unicorn standing there. You are understandably surprised. You are shocked when the unicorn starts speaking to you and in english says, "Get on! Let's go for a ride!"  

What's your response? Of course you are going to get on the unicorn. You are either in a dream or it's a chance of a lifetime—so no matter what—you are going to go for a ride. 

Is there anything magical in your life? Anything that has you in awe? Is there anywhere in your life where you experience unbridled joy?

  Read More »



Check out our last 6 eNewsletters:

November 4, 2016--Crossing the Continental Divide (Both Literally and Metaphorically)


May 13, 2016-Are You Embracing Your Goo?

April 6, 2016--Micromanagement is Good Management


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