You could hear a pin drop. The once lively discussion that the group of us were having moved to reality and we all sat with his words.

There was no judgement. We ALL knew exactly what he was talking about.

You see, there is real life going on all around us and somewhere along the way we were taught that avoiding truth and avoiding our feelings will keep us safe. Really? Do you feel safe? Do you feel at ease?

This is a big deal. There are people in intense pain at every turn. We self-medicate with TV, with food, with alcohol, and prescription drugs. We also do it in more outwardly "healthy" ways like exercise and work.

I feel deeply for my friend. He doesn't want to be alone. He's willing to endure misery in order to ensure that he doesn't have to be alone. At least he has the courage to admit it. To admit that it's his choice—he knows that it's a fool's bargain—but it's his bargain and the only one he knows how to make right now. We've all been there. I would venture to guess that we are all there right now—one way or another.

So what do we do now?   Read More »

I was recently on a plane and the flight attendant spoke up about the safety information she was about to share. She said, "It is better to know this information and not need it than to need it and not know it. This information could save your life." Good point!

Here is a list of "truths" that may save your life—specifically save you from living a life that EVEN YOU believe is not worth living.

1. Your life, Your choice.

You create your own life. Period. No one else is responsible for what your life looks like today. Not your parents, not your significant other, not your boss. You choose the trajectory of your life every day and if you want it to look differently—you MUST choose a different trajectory. Your life, your choice.

2. The only person you can rescue is you.

I'm surrounded by clients and friends that are amazing at helping others. This is no surprise because we tend to attract people like ourselves. Rescuing others is a trap. It can't be done. We do it. It feels awesome. We must focus on saving ourselves. The only person you can rescue is you.

3. What you avoid, what you can't be with—it is actually running your life.

When we can't be with silence—our need for activity runs our actions. When we can't be with abandonment, how we interact with those who may abandon us gets affected. Learn to be with what you can't be with. What you avoid is running your life.

4. Your truest knowings are in your body—not your brain.

You already know this is true. Your gut tells you the answer long before you figure it out with your head. Our art comes from our body. Our dancing. Our musicality. Our poetry comes from the places of deep emotion. Slow down long enough to experience what your body is telling you. Your truest knowings are in your body.

5. Guilt and shame are the worst motivators for decision making.

It's funny—isn't it—that we constantly choose to do things out of guilt only to eventually resent the people we are trying to keep happy. Shame—negative self talk—keeps us from entering the life we really want time and time again. What would it be like if we just decided to stop listening to those voices for a day? Choose something besides guilt and shame to motivate your decisions. My suggestion: love.

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Imagine you in your home, winding down from a long day and the door bell rings. You open the door and there is a solitary unicorn standing there. You are understandably surprised. You are shocked when the unicorn starts speaking to you and in english says, "Get on! Let's go for a ride!"  

What's your response? Of course you are going to get on the unicorn. You are either in a dream or it's a chance of a lifetime—so no matter what—you are going to go for a ride. 

Is there anything magical in your life? Anything that has you in awe? Is there anywhere in your life where you experience unbridled joy?

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It's 9 days ago. I'm lying face down on a tattoo parlor table. The pain is beyond what I imagined. It's not stopping. I tell myself it will be over soon. Soon is taking quite a while. Each branch of the tree has to be traced and filled in. The leaves need to be added--each leaf another needle. Eventually, I embrace the pain. I stop cringing. I lean into it. It becomes the metaphor for why I'm here--1000 miles from home, alone, getting a tattoo of a tree on my back.

I'm here because my friends loved me and believed in me and sent me to a world class leadership program. I'm alone because I must be, and I'm getting a tree on my back because the tree is the symbol of my true life.

Beauty and pain are inextricably linked. Authenticity--what my new tattoo represents--is not possible without pain.

So, many years ago I set clear intentions for my life:  I want my insides to match my outsides. I want to be real. I want to live authentically. I knew at the time that this was not an easy task. I knew it would cost me things to live out those intentions. Mostly I knew that I would have to drastically change for those intentions to turn into reality.

Today--I turn 40.

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I know, I know…you were there and I wasn't so how can I say that your stories are made up. Easy. All of our stories are made up. 

I'm not saying the facts or details aren't true—I'm just saying that when you tell yourself that story today—YOU make up the meaning and give it the power to influence your life. Someone else who went through the exact experience might have a completely different story. 

Let me illustrate. So the biggest story of my life got flipped on its head recently.  I come from a big family. I have a total of eight siblings. However, when I was five years old, my parents divorced and my mother quickly remarried and moved to Germany with her new husband. I was one of the youngest and was raised by my father and stepmother with almost no contact with my mother. 

So my story went something like this: "My life was ruined when my mom left me." I believed that I was abandoned by the one person that I needed most in the world. This story had HUGE consequences on how I showed up in the world—both good and bad.  Read More »

So, Canal Street. If you don't know about it, you haven't done much shopping in New York City. If you have, you know exactly what types of watches, purses, and electronics are available here. All fake, all illegal, but some of them very convincing fakes.

Here's the problem though—once you buy it—you know it's fake. You know that when you walk into a room with your gorgeous Prada or stylish Rolex, you are really only wearing $50 worth of merchandise—not the $5000 that the real thing might cost.

Do you get the same satisfaction that you would have gotten by the compliments and noticings that might go on? Do you feel happy about your wealth? Do you feel like you belong with the other people in the room with actual Rolexes?
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I saw the new Harry Potter movie tonight with my teenage daughter. A must see. Really.

I know this happens in real life too—but there is just something about movies where you get to see people living out of their true selves—really experiencing their fear but deciding to face it and do what they must do for those that they love.

It makes me think of Braveheart—another story of good and evil with betrayal, death of a hero, and freedom winning in the end.

I was asked who I admired the other day. Living or dead. Real or fictional. The first name that hit me was William Wallace. I tried to push it out to come up with a "better" name but my sub conscience wouldn't have it—William Wallace was the choice. Then came the follow-up questions: what is it that you admire? What are the specific traits. What inspires you about this person? What resonates with you?

Try this yourself with someone you admire, my answers are below:   Read More »

I've been devastated in my life. Many times. I've cried through pain beyond belief...wondering if I would ever be OK.

I love deeply. I throw my whole self into relationships. I don't believe that we should do this thing called friendship with anything less than our full selves. One caution however, this way of doing life has consequences.

In my 20s, I had a best friend; we were together often and we met for breakfast every Friday for several years. Our families did stuff together and everyone thought of us as brothers. One day, I had been trying to get ahold of him to borrow a card table and when he finally answered...he said that he didn't want to lend me his card table and he didn't want to be my friend anymore either. I slumped onto my bed and asked him to repeat what he said. He did and I went into shock.

I didn't understand what had happened. It turns out that he had been building up resentment towards how I rubbed him the wrong way for years and simply kept it to himself. Something I did that week set him off and he was done.

I could not function at work the next day. I was a mess. I'd like to say that we talked and worked it out and repaired our friendship but the truth is that we never did. He had never said there was anything wrong until that day.

Then and now I will own my issues...own my mistakes. I learned many things about myself from that relationship. I learned that I can come across as thinking I'm better than others when my insecurities are in full swing. I also learned that although he wasn't going to be my friend anymore...it didn't mean that I was unworthy of friendship.   Read More »

Have you ever felt like the universe was trying to tell you something?

Several years ago I decided to go to motorcycle safety school so I could buy a harley and hang out with my best buddy on Saturday afternoons in the summer. My plans were changed when I fell off my bike during the training and although I wasn't hurt physically, I ended up with a concussion and amnesia. It was probably the scariest day of my life as I couldn't remember anything in the last several months of my life--including going to see the team of my childhood in a playoff game.

My memory mostly came back (I still don't remember the fall) and a few months later I started considering going back to the class and going after my dream of having a motorcycle. My buddy was headed to the Bike Expo and I decided to come along. On my way into the building I was walking through the parking garage--just minding my own business--and I rammed my head into a pipe that was hanging down. I hit it so hard I saw stars.

It was in that moment that I decided that the universe was saying as loudly as it could: DON'T DO IT.

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