"Say The Thing That Will Get You Fired" Guest Post by Bonita Richter

Posted Tuesday, August 21, 2012

I sat across from him, and told him a story about some of my deepest fears as a coach. He listened intently, his soft, light blue eyes gazing into mine, seeing right through into my soul. I asked him if I should have done more. Could I have helped more?

Was I supposed to have spoken out loud the words that were swirling around my brain? I wanted to say them so badly. But, I didn’t want to say the wrong thing, in the wrong way. I didn’t want to hurt her. So, I kept quiet, murmured words of support, knowing I danced (not so delicately) around the true matter.

How do I say what I wanted to say without hurting? How do I tell her the victim story she is so attached to is a lie? Not that something bad didn’t happen to her. But, it continues, to some degree, because she allows it. She clings to it. I want to tell her it is time to release this story, this way of being. Yet, she is so deeply attached.

As coaches, we’ve all had a client that clings to their disempowering stories or beliefs. Or, for one reason or another, they didn’t do the work, didn’t get the results they were seeking; went AWOL, disappeared without a trace; didn’t respond to our calls and emails, our reaching out to help.

We know it’s not us. The type of client I am talking about has some deep stuff going on inside them that’s difficult to break through, no matter how earnest our efforts. I know in my heart of hearts this is my truth.

But, the question remains; is there more I could have done?  Read More »

Who Makes You Happy?

Posted Friday, May 11, 2012


About a year ago—my second marriage came to an end. Somewhat suddenly with circumstances that make most people gasp. However, this is not a story about the ending. This is a story about the beginning.

You see—my former wife and I became engaged to be married in DC during the summer of 2006. It was a fairy tale engagement. I showed up at her work on a early Friday afternoon and swept her away in a limo to the airport. We made our way to the bed and breakfast in DC where I pulled out all the stops to make her feel like a princess: rose petals, wine, a concert, clothing, a picnic in our favorite park with huge waterfalls, and of course a poem expressing my desire to be with her. Forever.

Last week I was in DC. I've told you that I love it there.

My cousin took me for a hike and I had no idea where I was going. It soon became clear after we arrived that we were at the park where I had asked my former wife to marry me. My first thought: "Ughh—I don't need this—maybe we should go somewhere else." My second thought: "I wonder what the universe wants to teach me today. In this place. With so much emotion. This should be fascinating."

I chose to stay. Boy am I glad that I did.   Read More »

Experience Right Now

Posted Tuesday, October 18, 2011




How are things? I mean really how are things? Today, in this moment?

If you are like most of us, you are waiting for something out in the future for things to be OK.  Are you waiting for your relationship with your spouse or partner to get better? Waiting for your kids to get out of the phase that they are in? Waiting for your slightly injured knee to improve?  

This is real stuff. Marriages are sometimes tough. Raising kids is tough. Our bodies seem to betray us when we need the stress relief of exercise the most. So what do we do? We push through it. We hear that voice inside our heads that tells us to "stop whining and get moving. Deal with it!" 

I'm here to offer a different perspective. There is so much to discover in those places of toughness—I wonder if we don't miss out on the living available to us by pushing through it. By coping. What if we stopped in those moments and asked the questions beneath the surface? What if we asked ourselves some whopper questions in the areas where we are waiting for things to get better and stayed with the questions long enough to experience ourselves and our lives?   Read More »



Check out our last 6 eNewsletters:

November 4, 2016--Crossing the Continental Divide (Both Literally and Metaphorically)


May 13, 2016-Are You Embracing Your Goo?

April 6, 2016--Micromanagement is Good Management


Recent Posts


Tags


Archive